wepon: the back of tohru adachi's head (adachi)
I don't clearly remember the dreams I had last night, but one moment stuck with me. I and someone else were watching two children (siblings) explore a haunted house. The sister was pulled into another dimension by a mobile door, and the brother was being menaced by both the door and a ghost. Then the sister slammed the door open and forcibly pulled herself out of the dimension, with great effort and obviously struggling, to reach her brother.

I couldn't look away. My companion noticed my rapt attention. Their voice was warm as they said, "Somebody once struggled to be there for you, didn't they?"

"No," I said, "not exactly."

So that's where my head is at today.
wepon: orange mantis sitting on a partially-peeled orange, holding part of the peel in its forelegs (Default)
I once knew this guy, Jesse. He was the friend of my s.o. at the time. Since that relationship lasted a few years Jesse and I got to know each other decently. He was a genuinely friendly person! Something of a goofball, chill and good-natured. The best person in that group to be honest. He made an effort to stay in contact with me after the breakup.

There wasn't that much effort from my side due to two reasons:

1.) We had completely opposite tastes in everything. I'd like what he'd hate and I'd hate what he'd like, guaranteed. Blah, blah, echo chamber, but how can somebody be friends with a person who doesn't like anything they like?

2.) More importantly, he hated cats with a murderous passion. Loathed them. Enjoyed it when they experienced misfortune or suffering. It was weird as fuck. When I asked him why he said that he was allergic and had to deal with cat dandruff at the house of a friend during grade school. That's not a good explanation!

The funny thing is that Jesse seemed like a blossoming furry. Or scalie, I guess. He just fucking loved playing reptilian characters in rpgs. The other people in that group sometimes hassled him over it. In his LARP he made a character that was a catboy. I once commented that I was surprised he didn't make a reptile guy (which I think was a canon race). His response was that he was worried about the group hassling him even more if he did. Urgh...that was unsettling to hear. What pointless cruelty.
wepon: a robot owl stares past the camera (blade runner owl)
I will be independent. I will support myself. I will have a job that pays well, that I like. I will live near my siblings. I will own a car that is functional and safe. I will pay for my own cellphone. I will live by myself. My doors will have locks. I will be able to afford my own things, include fun things. I will have time to myself. I will talk to people I wish to talk to, and not talk to those I don't. I will take care of my responsibilities. I will be able to finish things. I will be healthy. I will be confidant. I will be okay. I will be okay.
wepon: journeyer lying on face with an ouchie star (journey faceplant)
This story gets in on a technicality.

At some point in the middle of high school I managed to strike up a friendship with a geek boy. It was a pretty good time! We got along well. Then on Valentine's Day he asked if we could take a different route between classes and asked me out.

I didn't have any particularly romantic feelings for him. But he was my friend, and he was cute, and I'd never been in a relationship before so was curious about the whole experience. So I said yes. (Not great!)

We might not have gone on any actual dates. We definitely never kissed. I think the most we did was watch movies at each other's houses? Mostly his house, to be honest. And over the summer we never talked because apparently we were each waiting for the other to call us first, so by the time school started again the relationship attempt had disintegrated.

It was incredibly silly and I'm embarrassed by the whole thing.
wepon: journeyer lying on face with an ouchie star (journey faceplant)
One of the reasons it took so long for me to get around to this one is because I wanted to look my whole chart, not just the basic sun sign. If I’m going to do astrology might as well go the whole hog. I learned that there’s an incredible amount of complex bullshit in a full start chart. Probably enough to justify any sort of personality trait one wants. Who even understands these? Really.
But the big three are Gemini rising, Gemini sun and Capricorn moon.
Rising signs are the first impression you give, sun signs are your “essence” and your moon sign is your emotional/unconscious side. I guess. It’s odd to split a person up like that. (Particularly so here, because Capricorn and Gemini are oppositional. Together, they form a list of traits ripe for cherry-picking.)

So my persona is supposed to reflect my core nature, which is a witty and manipulative socialite, and my emotional nature is aggressive emotional suppression with self-criticism.

So? How does it measure up?

I have never in my life made a good Gemini. I’m decent at intellectualism and have trouble sticking to tasks, sure. But the whole life of the party thing? The witty charmer? I wish I had those people skills, my life would have been a lot easier. The most I can manage is goofy playfulness. As for the persona vs essence thing, it’s not like I put up a false front. It’s more of an…emphasis of acceptable traits, and hiding of vulnerable spots. Attempting to present my best self. Not sure where that falls on the scale. As for manipulation, I’m sometimes aware of what to say or how to act to channel attention or give off a certain image. Again, presenting my best self. But I have very little ability to be an active manipulator. My attention span IS terrible, though.

The Capricorn moon fits a bit better. I’ve always had a lawful bent. I’m risk-adverse, prefer clear boundaries, and have a need for security, which is all on a list I found for Capricorn moon. (That might be arguable whether that’s an inherent trait of mine or due to environmental conditions.) As for my emotions, I’ve generally had a good internal sense of them but I dislike expressing them to others. Emotional vulnerability is a big hang-up. I don’t like feeling weak and exposed. I’d rather deal with them on my own (no matter how poorly). I’ve got the self-critical element down, which has been a problem throughout my life. I’m a worrier – which has grown into anxiety lately. Sadly, it feels like the good aspects of Capricorn moon (patient, efficient, well-organized, dutiful) have passed me by. Instead of controlled I probably come off as full of emotions. I just try to hide the ones that feel dangerous to expose. Probably not that well!

So, interesting that Capricorn moon fit better than Gemini ascending/sun, but meh. (I used to relate more to Cancer than anything, to be honest.)
wepon: orange mantis sitting on a partially-peeled orange, holding part of the peel in its forelegs (Default)
Ugh. Let's see if I have thirty interesting facts in me.

1. I'm the second of four children.

2. We had a pet German Shepherd when I was a kid.

3. We've also had "pet" toads and praying mantises.

4. I've been to Canada. Montreal, to be specific. The only thing I remember is the sheer number of strip clubs.

5. My birthday is June 20. Which makes me a Gemini.

6. The first movie I ever saw in the movie theaters was Jurassic Park. As I was a tiny child, this was not age appropriate, and my parents had to take my crying self out of the theater.

7. My favorite colors tend to vary at a whim, but I like greens, blues and pinks.

8. I fenced for...roughly a year? at the local YMCA back in high school. It was a lot of fun! I miss doing it, but don't have the energy or the money.

9. I own a flight jacket. IT IS SO COMFORTABLE.

10. I think MBTI is a waste of time.

11. My favorite book is Neuromancer by William Gibson, probably.

12. I was born in California.

13. My family moved across the country before I could form memories, and now I live on the East Coast.

14. My elementary school required that all students play an instrument for their last year. I chose the violin. And promptly disliked it.

15. The first game console we owned was the Playstation, and the first games we bought for it were I.Q.: Intelligent Qube and Casper.

16. The first good Playstation game that we bought was Final Fantasy VII.

17. Favorite tea: rooibos. SO DELICIOUS.

18. First tabletop rpg I ever played was 2nd edition Dungeons and Dragons. It was Night of the Vampire, a fancy premade adventure with a CD track. Let me tell you, that's a great way of getting a kid interested in rpgs.

19. I'm allergic to dust, cats and papayas.

20. I went to Burning Man once!

21. I'm not really into comic-books, but my favorite superhero is Spider-Man.

22. My most hipster shirt is probably the one with "Canadian Pain Network" written on it. What's the Canadian Pain Network? Who knows! (Google sure doesn't.)

23. I can make a cloverleaf tongue.

24. First fictional crush was James of Team Rocket.

25. I had braces when I was a kid. It was unpleasant. Technically I'm supposed to wear a retainer for the rest of my life, but fuck that!

26. I've always wanted to be tall, but sadly I'm just about the shortest in my immediate family at 5'6".

27. When I was a small child I was terrified by the yipyips on Sesame Street. They could teleport, you see, so what was stopping them from teleporting out of the television?

28. The first canon that I ever read fanfiction for was Final Fantasy VII, but the first canon that I genuinely got into fandom over was Persona 4.

29. I have a birthmark on my hip - a large, pale splotch that doesn't particularly look like anything.

30. My eye color can appear to change depending on the colors of the surrounding environment.
wepon: smiling davepetasprite (davepetasprite)
Aw yeah I love delicious food. Sadly I have a poor sense of smell and a lack of discriminating taste, so I can't get into the whole "write 10k words on this salad" deal.

My favorite general category is fruit. Fruits are so tasty, I honestly cannot think of a fruit I actively dislike. Plus you can make smoothies out of them! My favorite fruit is cherries, but watermelons, pomegranates, and raspberries are also A+. Too bad humans aren't frugivores, I would genuinely love surviving solely off of fruit.

I've lately had a craving for sardines (easily satisfied) and pickled herring (not so easily satisfied). Other comfort foods include pickles, macaroni and cheese, instant ramen, canned corn and roast beef.

I'm not a great cook but I do love trying. My most recent attempt was apple squares, made for my step-mom's birthday. They ended up pretty good (despite, uh, forgetting to check how much white sugar we had and partly substituting with brown sugar). Here's the regular recipe, for those who are interested:

1 3/4 cups sugar
3 eggs
2 cups sifted flouwer
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup oil
1 tsp vanilla
2 cups thinly sliced Mac apples
1 cup nuts (optional)

Beat sugar + eggs together until light
Sift flour, cinnamon, baking powder, salt together; add to sugar/egg mixture
Add oil + vanilla and mix well
Fold in apples (and nuts)
Bake in greased 9 x 13 inch pan at 350 degrees for 40 minutes
wepon: orange mantis sitting on a partially-peeled orange, holding part of the peel in its forelegs (orange mantis)
Culturally raised Roman Catholic, spiritually I don't believe in gods, although I am slightly more amendable to to theories in a unifying divine force. I don't like saying I'm agnostic or atheist; it's not a core facet of my identity and have had some unimpressive encounters with people who do hold it as such. Being able to hold any definite opinion on what's really going on behind the universe is suspect, imo.

My parents tried to raise me as a good Christian - they sent me to Sunday school and everything. But they also kept books on mythology in the house, which I read for recreation. After careful consideration, I determined that the difference between the stories in the books and the stories in the Bible was that all the people who cared about the former had died.

While I understand holding onto a religion one was raised in, I'm skeptical of converting to one. Choosing one set of stories as more meaningful and, somehow, less fantastical than the others seems ridiculous.

I try not to be an asshole about my beliefs. I do sometimes shitpost about religion/Christianity/Catholicism but it's not meant in a vicious way. I'm sure it looks rude as hell, but it's mostly in a playful attitude. I didn't sit through Sunday school until I was 13 to not be able to have fun about it. Plus, if god is a being than which none greater can be imagined, a being that has a sense of humor is greater than one without, and thus god has a sense of humor.
wepon: ryotaro dojima looking at the camera with an exasperated expression (judging dojima)
Myself, first of all. I'm a weak person with a bad procrastination habit and a cowardly, awkward nature. I would absolutely kick my own ass.

At this moment I don't have much control over my life. Autonomy and personal space are both important concepts for me.

Arrogance, especially combined with ignorance. People who don't know their shit but refuse to acknowledge that they don't know their shit, or who hold forth like an expert, are so fucking tedious. The worst is when they refuse to admit that they're bullshitting and half-assing.

Similarly, people who refuse to acknowledge or apologize for being condescending to others. If you're incorrect, accept it; if you talk shit about someone's statement, and it turns out they're right and you're wrong, you're a total ass if you brush it off.

I enjoy consuming media "as intended" and thoroughly taking my time in enjoying it. Often, as in the case of watching movies or going to a museum, this activity is communal. When the other people involved talk over the experience, or push me to go faster for their convenience, or who skip over parts in a way that affect my experience, they prove themselves to be boors not worth having experiences with.

I once knew someone who hated cats so much they actively wished death on them, although that's less irritation and more "what the fuck is wrong with you". Anyway, I'm pretty tired of the cat person vs. dog person dichotomy.

I can get irritated at minor inconveniences very easily in general. It's a bad habit I'm trying to curb. Don't be like me, kids.

(I ripped a lot of this off of a previous tumblr shitpost and elaborated on it.)