Venus: We could also try calling the captain again...
Jupiter: Hmm, yeah, we could-
Neptune: Just stop. I said I didn't care. Just go ahead. Calling will absolutely make everything worse, it always does. If there was any chance the devil wouldn't come, god will ruin it. But who cares. Of course the devil is coming tonight. So do it.
We arrange our radios in a circle. We all hold on to a length of the copper wire. We feel like we're part of a christmas display. We pray.
Neptune: We don't really need to pray to it.
Venus: Sorry. I'm just so used to it. I start hearing it in my head, as soon as we start, every time.
Jupiter: Right? It just pops in my head.
Neptune: *sigh* Same, it's fine. I'm just saying.
We hold hands. We're looking for the signal. We can tell the difference between god and the devil; finding god is pretty easy. He's 109.8 FM. The devil is never on the same frequency, but you sometimes hear a bit of him by accident when you're changing channels. By the time we find god he's already talking. He never says "for those just listening." He expects attentiveness.
God: -shining as Lucifer, the morning star, in the dawn, and symbolizing the arrogance of desiring a beauty that is not god's. Venus 5:23. That which appears to be within grasp, and yet, is ever-
God sounds like every boy you are afraid of talking at once.
God: -of the vanity to be seen and to see. The human eye sees clearly by the light of god, but the devil by his own light, and thus sees only his own truth. The meaning of the parable-
Neptune: What a waste of time.
Jupiter: Shh, let's listen.
Neptune: Whatever.
God: -each of you shall choose. It is certain that the devil is coming.
Venus: Oh no.
God: It is certain.
Neptune: I told you.
God: It is absolutely certain the devil is already here.
Jupiter: ...
God: Parables I:I "The devil is only the shadow of man cast from the light of god." The meaning of this parable is that there is no devil. The weather is scheduled for 100 with humidity tomorrow. And now for the news-
Jupiter shuts off the radio.
Jupiter: I don't want to do this.
Venus: We should have called the captain.
Neptune: What would he have done, even.
Venus: Something else? It's okay, it's not the end of the world, it's not like being the devil means you're going to die. The devil just happens-
Neptune: Don't pity me.
Jupiter: It'll be the end of something.
Venus: It's me.
Neptune: Don't PITY ME.
3 AM
We know the devil. The fireflies are out tonight. So many we're afraid. We feel a little like we wish we could get away. Just for a little while. To some place that's not this shack. If the devil wasn't here then...something. There is something that could happen. The only thing in the world we want to do.
Neptune: We need to go.
Venus: It's too late. The devil's here. Just like on the radio.
Jupiter: This place is awful, it's just making everything worse. We should get out of here. We need to get out of here.
Venus: The captain won't let us...
Neptune: Screw him. Why do we have to deal with this. Why is this our problem! It's stupid. This is on purpose. There's no reason to come out to these supid woods. I can't believe I came here like we actually deserved it! What did they think was going to happen?
Jupiter: Neptune... It's-it will be okay. Okay? I think.
Neptune: Thanks.
Jupiter: Haha. I tried! Sort of...
Neptune: Ah. Ahahaha. No, I actually-
Venus: What was that?
Out the window, where Venus is pointing, there is a light like a flashlight. But it is not a flashlight.
Venus: What is it.
Jupiter goes to the window to see. And this time it's true. We can see it too. We know we should stay. We should just get it over with here, where it's easiest. It'll be better for him, too. But...
Jupiter: ...we should go.
Neptune: Seriously. God. Yes.
Venus: We shouldn't, I mean, isn't one of us supposed to stay here?
There's a light inside now. It doesn't do anything. It just wanders. It passes over Neptune and she shivers.
Neptune: Screw this. No waiting.
Jupiter: Now.
And we run. First it's left, then it's right, then it's both behind and ahead of us. It's like running from every firefly, it's like running froms streetlights, it's like running from the sun. And they want him so bad.
Jupiter: Come on, we're almost there. You're okay right? Right?
Venus: ...y-yeah.
Neptune: They hate streetlights, we should have run for the road!
Jupiter: I know.
Neptune: I'm not mad, okay! But I was fucking So if we die, you're not allowed to be mad??!
Jupiter: Ahah. That's fair.
Jupiter trips. It's 100% her fault. She's not even upset. She holds Venus under her as she hits the dirt.
Jupiter: Are you okay?
Venus: Yeah.
Jupiter leaps up and pulls Venus and crashes directly into the ground again. Her foot hurts so bad she almost screams.
Neptune: No, no, no, nononono. You're okay, aren't you? Please don't be doing this stupid thing that is not happening and not real.
Jupiter: S-sorry. Ohhhh god. Fuck. It's super bad.
Neptune holds Jupiter's hand so tight.
Jupiter: It's probably... going to be fine.
Neptune: Fuck you.
Venus stands up. The lights flicker.
Venus: Why. Why are you protecting me. Why won't you let me... Why can't you just let it have me. Why won't you go on without me. Why won't you? I don't want to be strong. I don't want to be that sort of person at all. The lights in the edge of my eyes. I want to see them so much. They're so horrible, I can't look away. I want them within and without me. All through and about me. I want feathers in my lungs and eyes on my skin. I want my heart to see and my lungs to fly. I want to undo the division of day and night. I want to cast light over the city and shine shadows where the streetlights used to be. You're gonna to say I shouldn't give up, and there's hope, and we can all get through this...
Jupiter: Please... don't.
Venus: And that's not a lie but...
Neptune: Venus, no, get a grip. Stop. I prmoise, I won't-
Venus: It's nobody's fault but mine.
Jupiter holds Neptune. For a second it look slike the light is lifting him up, like he's going up like Jeremiah. It's exactly what we imagined. We're so glad we're together now. But it still feels wrong. Stop for a second, and let us figure it out. But we don't deserve to get out with no regrets. We are ready, and we can see the way out, is right there, right through there.
4 AM
Venus is a suffocation of air and light, a midwest summer sun so punishing it feels like a dream. A summer that never ends is hell. Nothing could be worse than being hot and stick and surrounded by people who aguely hate you forever. A wet timeless nightmare of cloudy light. Venus reaches out to us. She has eyes to fly with and wings to see. As terrible as an angel, be afraid. That wing to see the truth and that eye to lay it bare. We feel the heat on our skin and recoil. It wants something from us, a lot of things, maybe everything. The devil is lonely. We kicked out the devil and it must miss us. It keeps begging to be let back, to let it in. And Venus did. Every wish of the eyees belongs to it. Nothing can escape this light. But we do. We can't feel the beat of the wings or the light of the eyes. We can't be seen. We chose to cover our faces. And the devil only ever gets one moment. For revenge, for love, for "please see me." But there is nothing to fear when there is two against the devil. Neptune brings the water. Her radio cackles and bubbles and foams at its sharpest edge. Jupiter brings the storm. Her radio blares and shrieks and the weight of it shudders. Our radios scream and crash against her and the devil is destroyed.
5 AM
We're on the second highest branch, so we can see everyone, but no one can see us. Everyone else is climbing around the sirens, checking if we can get them any louder in the daylight.
Jupiter: Good job, kiddo.
Venus hangs from the highest branch he can. Steam peels off him. Nothing we can do about that but let it blow into the wind. A little bit of the devil always gets away. Neptune crushes a leaf in her fingers. Jupiter holds her other hand. Like we need to.
Neptune: How much longer do we have?
Jupiter: Until it's all gone, probably.
Neptune: All day?
Jupiter: If we're lucky.
Neptune: Good.
Neptune checks her phone. But it's out of batteries.
Neptune: I'm so tired.
Jupiter: Me too.
Neptune: Don't be tired. If I fall asleep, who's going to stop me from falling?
Jupiter: I don't know. I guess we're both going to die.
Neptune: Haha.
Jupiter: ...I promise I won't actually, though.
Neptune: Good.
Jupiter: Otherwise I'll die, right?
Neptune: Right. Is your leg okay?
Jupiter: Yeah. So don't let me fall either.
Neptune: Ha. Okay. So say if Venus falls, I'll catch him, and then you'll catch me?
Jupiter: I'll totally try. But I think we'll definitely all die if that happens.
Neptune: In that case, you shouldn't then.
Jupiter: I shouldn't. But I probably totally would. Wouldn't I be so cool? Like a real hero.
Neptune: Ahahaha. You totally would. It'd be funny. ...not sweet at all.
God: -a method for the extraction of bile. Create an incision on the middle finger. All the water of the body can be thought of as a single ocean, as one drop-
God sounds like every boy you are afraid of talking at once.
God: -and extract the resulting ink. Place in a vial and explain it to the worthlessness of the treasures of the earth. Break it against a mirror, the cause of vanity-
Neptune: What a waste of time.
Jupiter: Shh, let's listen.
Neptune: Whatever.
God: -each of you shall choose. It is certain that the devil is coming.
Venus: Oh no.
God: It is certain.
Neptune: I told you.
God: It is absolutely certain the devil is already here.
Jupiter: ...
God: Parables I:I "The devil is only the shadow of man cast from the light of god." The meaning of this parable is that there is no devil. The weather is scheduled for 100 with humidity tomorrow. And now for the news-
Jupiter shuts off the radio.
Jupiter: I don't want to do this.
Venus: We should have called the captain.
Neptune: What would he have done, even.
Venus: Something else? It's okay, it's not the end of the world, it's not like being the devil means you're going to die. The devil just happens-
Neptune: Don't pity me.
Jupiter: It'll be the end of something.
Venus: It's me.
Neptune: Don't PITY ME.
3 AM
We know the devil. Sometimes it's okay to be quiet. It is nice to know we don't have to talk sometimes. But Neptune can't wait. She's coughing and running down the battery of her phone. She looks worried. Or maybe just itchy.
Jupiter: Neptune.
Neptune: Yeah?
Venus: Umm... are you okay...?
Neptune: Yes.
Venus: Ah. S-sorry.
Neptune: *cough*
Venus: Are you okay?
Neptune: I said-*cough*-God. I'm fine.
Jupiter: You're totally not.
Neptune: Ugh. You're making it worse. I need to throw up.
Venus: Again?
Neptune: Yeah-*cough, cough*-again.
Jupiter: Are you sure you're okay?
Neptune: I'm fine, I'm fine. I need to go to the bathroom. You did the best you could.
It's quiet. But it's not okay anymore. We shiver whenever Neptune coughs. Even through the bathroom, ti sounds louder than ever. Jupiter knocks on the door.
Jupiter: You sound really bad, can we get anything?
Neptune: No.
Jupiter: Do you want to go back, I mean, we can if you-
Neptune: I TOLD you, it's *cough*
Venus: Jupiter, she's-
Neptune: I'm fine.
Jupiter: Neptune. Please open up the door, okay.
Venus: Please, you gotta open up.
Neptune: I'm FINE.
Venus: Please.
Neptune: I'M FUCKING FINE.
Jupiter: You have to come out.
Neptune: Okay. Okay. You asked me to come out. So I'm coming out.
The door opens and it's her but it's not her. She grabs Venus and crushes him against the wall like he's just a little doll.
Neptune: Ha. Sorry. Stay good there Venus. Drink up.
Neptune lets the ichor drizzle off her finger. Like it's chocolate syrup. Jupiter screams and pushes her but Neptune won't even flinch. She ignores her completely.
Neptune: At least YOU know how to be decent, ha.
Jupiter punches her but she can't even move her.
Neptune: Calm your tits, Jupiter, I just need like a minute.
Jupiter slams her body into her.
Neptune: I promise to be an incredible nightmare to you too babe just wait a MINUTE.
Jupiter runs to their packs and she pulls out her radio. It's long and thin and heavy and she takes it and she swings it and she crashes the blunt of it right against Neptune's shoulder and she crumples to the ground. Jupiter grabs Venus and bolts. Neptune is already on her feet again. She just watches. Jupiter holds her radio with one hand and Venus with the other. He claws for support against the wall. It doesn't look like he can see.
Neptune: Oof. Sorry, I lied. But you should have known better. You kids are trying so hard to be good. And I guess I don't want you to. Doesn't it feel unfair? You're already good, so why do you have to try so hard to be good? It makes me mad. They want you to prove you're good. But you're already so good. What is that? Why do they do that? Why did they think I wouldn't notice that? That it should so obviously be me. That it should so obviously be you. It makes me so, so mad. I hate this place so much. Why are either of you here? Why do we have to be here?
Jupiter: Please stop. Please. Please stop. Let's just. We don't. It doesn't.
Neptune: God just stoppppp. Please. I hate this. I am trying to fuck up Venus for the rest of his entire life and you too if you if you let me and if you want to stop that I guess there is a problem and you will have to kill me. Does that kid look happy to you? Well I guess we have different opinions and you will have to stop me from making him into what he is trying very hard not to be. And Jupiter I want to do the same to you so badly. So, so badly.
Jupiter: Please-
Neptune: No. I don't want to be good ever. And neither of you should want to be good either.
Jupiter tightens her grip on her radio. Venus holds her shoulder.
Venus: I'm okay.
Neptune: Ha. Try not to kill me, okay? But don't like, go out of your way or anything.
4 AM
Her stare is as quiet and black as the surface of the lake, like she's tempting us to drown. The only chill of summer is in that lake, and even in August, it still holds places we can freeze to death. Neptune reaches for us. She's a flood, of every wicked thought, and they are pouring out of her mouth. The devil is lonely. We kicked out the devil and it misses us. It keeps begging to be let back, for us to let it in. And Neptune did. Every terrible thought belongs to it. Water to give, and thirst to take. Nothing can escape this flood. But we will. Neptune can't stain us. We chose to stay clean. And the devil only ever gets one moment. For revenge, for desire, for "please think of me." But there is nothing to fear when there is two against the devil. Venus brings the light. His radio whines and wriggles and coils around itself. Jupiter brings the storm. Her radio blares and shrieks and the weight of it shudders. Our radios scream and crash against her and the devil is destroyed.
5 AM
We have to drain Neptune and the lake. So we hang our feet off the endge of the bridge over what's not a gross dirty crater while the rest of the groups hack and pick away to make sure nothing's left. The Captain says we don't have to do anything but keep Neptune clean, which is our reward we guess. But it's probably just to punish everyone else for not seeing it coming. Behind us, Neptune is draining on an ugly blue tarp. We used to have to change it every half hour. It's running a little clearer now. So we change it. Jupiter puts on rubber gloves and gently picks her up and Venus bundles it up and throws it in a nasty green dumpster.
Venus: How long, you think?
Jupiter: It feels like it's getting closer. But it feels like it might take forever, too.
Venus: Hey. Neptune?
But Neptune isn't going to talk. We sit by the lake again.
Venus: Some of my friends, I talk with a lot. But other ones I don't. Like we don't do small talk. Speak only when necessary. But they're still my friends. I wonder how that works?
Jupiter: My mom says that if you really know someone you don't have to check in so much? Like it's just obvious how you feel. I don't know how true that is. I don't know if worked for her all that well, now that I think of it. I guess for some things words don't work very well, though.
Venus: That's true. I guess we have a lot of time to figure this out.
Jupiter: Yeah.
We go to check on Neptune. We ask her if she can speak, but words or no words, nothing gets through.
God: -a hand held against the world. To be touched and to touch; touch is a language unto itself. And it too is a language of power. Thus unti Jupiter, which is also the language of gravity, according-
God sounds like every boy you are afraid of talking at once.
God: -the fist which can give takes too, and gives by taking , or takes by giving. Just as a word is honest or dishonest not by how it is spoken, but by he who speaks it, so is the honesty of touch-
Neptune: What a waste of time.
Jupiter: Shh, let's listen.
Neptune: Whatever.
God: -each of you shall choose. It is certain that the devil is coming.
Venus: Oh no.
God: It is certain.
Neptune: I told you.
God: It is absolutely certain the devil is already here.
Jupiter: ...
God: Parables I:I "The devil is only the shadow of man cast from the light of god." The meaning of this parable is that there is no devil. The weather is scheduled for 100 with humidity tomorrow. And now for the news-
Jupiter shuts off the radio.
Jupiter: I don't want to do this.
Venus: We should have called the captain.
Neptune: What would he have done, even.
Venus: Something else? It's okay, it's not the end of the world, it's not like being the devil means you're going to die. The devil just happens-
Neptune: Don't pity me.
Jupiter: It'll be the end of something.
Venus: It's me.
Neptune: Don't PITY ME.
3 AM
We know the devil. Jupiter has a feeling about her, like she knows too. The house creaks, like someone is squeezing it gently, to see how much it can take before it breaks. We look at Jupiter and we worry. She's even more far away than usual. What do we do? We're expecting her to know. But right now she looks so tired. She just snaps her hairband against her wrist. And we know.
Jupiter: We can wait.
Venus: ...can we?
Jupiter: Sure we can. We can keep waiting. Dawn is three hours away, right? It'll be here before we know it... We don't need to know who the devil is. It's just a phase. ...right? Come on. You're supposed to agree. It's a good idea. Make fun of me then go along with it. Please.
Venus: Um, w-we-
Neptune: We know. It's obvious.
Jupiter: I know you know. I didn't think you were dumb, I just... ...was hoping.
Venus: We can feel it. It's like a moth flapping its wings but I can feel fingers on my face and my arms and everywhere.
Jupiter: Ahaha. Gross. I'm gross. I feel so distant. When did it happen? It feels like just a few hours ago everything was fine... Ha, this always happens. I always do this, every time I'm so stupid I'm so- Ah- My hairband broke.
There is a horrible sound, the terrible noise of splitting and tearing wood. It's sick. The house shivers.
Neptune: -!
We can't reach her, we can't speak, not in this storm of hands.
Jupiter: Don't touch me. You shouldn't touch me. I wasn't born good. But I still thought I could be. You know, I actually liked when the captain talked about how heaven was on merit; as long as you do good things, maybe you can one day be good... But then they said we don't believe that anymore and it's only what's in your heart that matters. Just when I thought I got it right, they changed it. I can try hard, but I think... God knows my heart isn't really in it. And that was my only shot, right? Mom taught me to not touch others. It's just polite, you know. And dad taught me not to let others touch me. You gotta protect yourself if you're a girl, you know. But if it's only what I feel inside that matters, what am I supposed to do? I can't stop that kind of touch. So what if I just stopped trying not to, you know? It feels so strange and weird and bad to stop but I could, I really could, I think? And how nice would that be.
The humidity is thick with hands. We feel the sweat peeling off of us, and the hands grasping. The devil comes in heat, not like a chill in the middle of the night. The devil sticks to your skin and seeps in your pores. The devil licks at your throat, inside, outside, follows wherever you go. Even the best kid has the devil inside her. This is why we are at camp. We are learning this lesson: even the worst kids can get lucky and live while the good kid is doomed just from trying too hard. We hold each other.
Venus: If you can't, if you really can't, Jupiter, then...
Neptune: We don't care.
Venus: We don't care.
Neptune: You can be like that and it's fine, you know we're like that too right? We feel like that all the time?
Venus: We would have just given up, if it wasn't for you.
Jupiter: Ya'll are sweet. But don't do that. I won't be happy if you do. And I won't let you. It's wrong to want such a thing, you know that, don't you? So don't do it. I still know that much. Stop looking up to me.
Venus: We don't look up to you.
Neptune: We never did.
Venus: We promise, so-
Neptune: So please-
Jupiter: Don't try to make me feel better. I want to touch. I want to be touched. I want to hurt. I want to be hurt. And if you feel the same way, you're as bad as me. I was hoping yo'd say, 'get behind me' or 'I rebuke you' like you're supposed to. Won't you let me feel like a real devil for a moment?
Neptune: We don't have to like it.
Venus: At least give us that much.
Jupiter: Haha. Okay.
4 AM
On Jupiter there is an acient storm bigger than earth that's been blowing since before we were born. There's no way to imagine it. It is a storm that could consume everyone you knew, everywhere they had been, the site of every thought and feeling himans have ever had. Jupiter reaches out to us. She has a hand for every kind of touch; that hand is for hitting, that hand is for petting, that hand is for grabbing, that hand is for holding. We feel the pull on our skin and recoil. They want so many things from us; maybe everything. The devil is lonely. We kicked out the devil and it must miss us. It keeps begging to be let back, for us to let it in. And Jupiter did. Every wish of the body belongs to it. And every wish is a hand, expressing that desire. And every hand is a storm that is bigger than the world, reaching for us. But it will not. The hands don't touch us and the storm doesn't break over us. We chose to be distant from her. And the devil only ever gets one moment. For revenge, for love, for "please take me back." There is nothing to fear when there is two against the devil. Neptune brings the water. Her radio cackles and bubbles and foams at its sharpest edge. Venus brings the light. His radio whines and wriggles and coils around itself. Our radios scream and crash against her and the devil is destroyed.
5 AM
Venus: Did she do it on purpose?
Neptune: Maybe a little. Or maybe a lot.
Venus: At least a little.
Jupiter just looks so peaceful. It was the first thing that came to mind. We both thought it would be us. So it still feels strange to be looking at her like this. Not in a bad way. We're not upset at her. We just want to know why. Because it was so clear for us.
Neptune: Back when we were walking to the campfire... I thought it would be me. I was so sure. I guess I'm wrong sometimes.
Venus: For me it was. I think... when we were putting up the lights? I already saw it in the corner of my eye. and then when Group South came, I felt so, well, you know...
Neptune: Yeah. I know.
The smell of incense is awful enough in here, but outside the tent, the groups are trying rags to their faces to endure the smell while they try to smoke the whole forest out. We have the privilege of being on watch.
Venus: It shouldn't have been her. ...normally you're like "don't patronize me."
Neptune: No, you are right. It should have been one of us. Either one of us. I don't care which.
Jupiter moves in her sleep. Venus moves a candle out of her way.
Neptune: You're very attentive.
Venus: Thanks. I keep thinking...
Neptune: Don't worry about it. What are we going to do, fight over which of us hates ourself more? What's the point. Neither of us can beat her.
We hold hands. Or, it turned out, we already were.
The Devil sounds like smoke and honey. We cannot move. It's too beautiful.
The Devil: Oh, darling... I miss you. I have always missed you. I can still remember what your faces are like. I have missed them since before you were born. Please come back. I know I can't offer much. The bodies I can give you are weak. The stories I tell are impossible. My world is even more precarious than this one. But please come back. It hurts to see you like this so much. So unhappy in those bodies of yours. Stricken by those stories. Forced to live in a so much pain. I can't even come save you. But I can promise one thing. There is room for three in my world. And only two in his.
3 AM
We know the devil.
Venus: Oh. She was nice.
Jupiter: The captain was right. God is right. We're dead.
Neptune: Wow. We are truly completely objectively theologically absolutely the worst.
Jupiter: It's my fault. I put the radio on the wrong frequency. How could I be so stupid? How could I fuck up so bad... They will never, ever forgive us. Oh... Here they come... The sirens are calling. The scouts are coming. I don't want to go through that terrible moment.
Venus: It'll be fine. One hit, one second beautiful blessed scout attack. And we'll wake up and everything will be normal. And all will be forgiven. ...mostly. Right?
Neptune: ...
Jupiter: Neptune?
Neptune: ...
Jupiter: Neptune?!
Neptune yanks the antenna off of the house radio.
Neptune: If god hates the devil so much he should kill it himself. But instead just a bunch of assholes and kids like us are going to come.
Neptune kicks the speakers.
Neptune: And they're all fucking jerks! What do they know!
Jupiter grabs her.
Neptune: Let go of me! The devil rules!
Jupiter: Neptune, stop...
Neptune: What else are we supposed to do? If the devil is like, "you all are cool," what else are we supposed to do? Let's hang out with him! So let go. Let go of me!
Jupiter: But, but I I don't want to. I can't. I just can't let go.
Neptune drops the antenna.
Neptune: Jupiter.
Venus: Where is the devil? If he's supposed to be here.
Jupiter: We know the devil. And it's us, right? It has to be.
Venus: Why?
Jupiter: Because, obviously?
Venus: But where is it?
Jupiter: Don't make me say all the reasons why it's so clear we deserve it.
Venus: But...
Jupiter: Stop.
Venus: Where... it's got to be...
Neptune: This is awful.
Jupiter: I know.
Neptune: Let me wreck it.
Jupiter: No.
Neptune: Uhhhhhhhh fuck you! Why are you so good. Let go of me, hail satan!
Jupiter: It's not gonna work just like that, you know.
Neptune: You don't know that.
Jupiter: People are much stronger than the devil.
Neptune: If it weren't, would it be fine? You'd fight if we could win, right?
Jupiter: Stop that's awful.
Neptune: You're awful! You're being good for people that fucking hate you and you're good even if you say you're not good because what else kind of person would hate themselves but someone who was really good.
Jupiter: I'm not-
Neptune: I'm so mad, why not martyr yourself for US this time! For YOU! You deserve-
Venus: Found it.
And there is Venus. Like a flower, Venus is in bloom. Like a heart, Venus is beating. Like a soul, she is shining like a soul.
Venus: I am the devil.
Her arm lies on the floor. It's a pale, bloodless thing. Someone else's body now. Not hers.
Jupiter: Oh my god.
Neptune: The devil rules.
Venus: I pulled and it just came off. I don't want it anymore. Let me leave it there.
Neptune: Did it hurt?
Venus: No, not even a little.
Neptune: The edges look rough...
Jupiter: You shouldn't touch it.
Neptune: Here... is that okay?
Venus: Yeah...
Neptune: Wow. It really does come right off. It feels like plastic. Where did the blood go? This is so cool. Your arm is so soft. What is it made of, you think?
Jupiter: You should get away.
Neptune: What's Venus gonna do?
Jupiter: He's the devil.
Venus: So are you.
Jupiter: ... ...we should stop.
Venus: It's like... I didn't realize how much my body was, bothering me, all the time, before? And when they're peeled off it finally feels like I don't have to think about them so much. Like normal.
Jupiter: We're stronger than this. It's not normal. It's not good. It's not okay.
Neptune: But we don't have to be.
Venus: I don't want to be.
Neptune: Why should we?
Jupiter: Because. Just because you want to do something doesn't mean you should do it.
Neptune: Okay. Sure. Which one of us should it be, then? Who's going to get in trouble for being the devil, and who's going to get away? All that matters, all we need, is for one f us to be just a little worse than the others. And the rest of us will be fine.
Jupiter: Stop. Don't say this. It's so ugly.
Neptune: No. It's fine. It's normal. It happens every day. The captain said so.
Jupiter: No, it's fucked up. It's evil. I don't want it. Of course I don't want that.
Neptune: I know. You're a really good person. Of course it's ugly.
Venus: What's ugly isn't having choosing one to be the scapegoat. What's ugly is we have to choose at all.
Neptune: It's because you think it's ugly too- That I like you so much, Jupiter.
Jupiter: ...no I-stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. This can't be happening. Venus needs his-her-arm back and you both need to stop saying those things because I know them okay? Obviously I know them. I'm not stupid. I know camp and the captain and everyone is messed up. But what else do you expect me to do? I want to leave this camp, this state, this planet. But I can't. I just can't. It's like a reflex. I can't stop it. I don't know what to do. I'm not making any sense. Help. Stop. Let's just go back. Before it's too late.
Neptune: Jupiter, come here.
Jupiter: W-what.
Neptune: Feel.
Neptune takes Jupiter's hand.
Neptune: Did you know I hate this? I hate it so much. And everyone who says I'm pretty just makes me hate it more? Jupiter. We could still go back. But if you try to make me I'll kill you. Don't make us have to keep those bodies we hate. Don't make us go back to those people. Don't make us have to go home. And I won't let you do that to yourself either.
Jupiter: ... ... ... ...of course I don't want to. I don't want to do that you. I don't want to do that to me. I don't want to do that to Venus. Could you just... Couldn't you just make me?
Neptune: Do you want it to not be your fault? Do you want me to make you, so you don't have to take responsibility?
Venus: That's sweet.
Neptune: No. I'm not. I won't do that for her. She has to say yes.
Venus: That's also kind of sweet.
Jupiter: ... ...I'm scared.
Venus: It's okay. We promise. We really promise.
Jupiter: But you need to promise too. Promise me hell is right there, right behind that door. All of it. Promise, really promise, there's no going back. If that's really true, if you can really promise me, then I'll go, and I won't feel bad about it at all. Promise me there's no chance, okay? If I taste what it's like, I know, there's not way I'll be happy being human ever again.
Venus: If I have to be in my old body again. I'll die. So if you also promise, that I won't ever have it again, what I will promise you, is I won't drag you down. I'll stop thinking you're so cool. I won't ever envy again.
Neptune: I promise, when you say you are fine, I will never stop yelling at you until you stop lying.
Venus: Haha.
Jupiter: Ha.
Neptune: Don't laugh.
There's a song on the dead radio, that's been playing for a while, but now it is so loud it erases every feeling, drowns out every sound. And oh, how beautiful it is.
4 AM
This is the new touch-the feeling of fingers pushing painlessly through our skin, the feeling of the muscle and fat, the weight of it, the intention: it's best friends forever. It's a first kiss. It's a love story. It's imaginable, but it doesn't exist anywhere, not any planet. We're a dream. We're becoming people no other people have ever been. A human that humans are not. We reach out to each other. Unlike Venus, whose body peels off like the shell of an egg, Jupiter is messier, or she would be, if her blood wasn't now lighter than air; it curls like a mist around her. A storm is sure to come. Neptune is starting to run clear. All the ink and sick has boiled away. Venus is really good at helping, and so patient too. She is a fountain, seeping through the floorboards, bringing the flood. Jupiter finds the spot where Venus's shoulder blade is weeping and pulls with as many hands as she can. When it comes out, it stares at them, surprised. As if she can hardly believe she can see. She has a hand for every kind of touch; that hand is for hitting, that hand is for petting, that hand is for grabbing, that hand is for holding. The devil isn't lonely; the cracking, broken radio's song is louder and more lovely every minute. We are our own company now. We asked to be let out. And we let ourselves out. The rest of the kids are coming for us, with god and the radio, ready to undo our wish. But they will not. They won't touch us. One moment is all we need. To share, to yearn, to carve us into the world. There is nothing to fear when there is two against the devil. But we can't wait to see what they'll do against the three worst girls since Eve.
5 AM
Camp is much nicer, now that we have made some changes. The right angles were boring and distracting, and it was much too small. The captain has no stories left for us. Neptune would not be satisfied until every lie was gone. There's a crack as Jupiter tears down a siren, so Venus can set up a new kind, tuned to a different station. Group South helps. They don't have to feel like they're supposed to hate her anymore. So they don't. Love shines through, in the end. Neptune lets herself flow into the lake. It's going to take a lot of time before anyone notices if anything is wrong with the water, longer still to figure out where it's coming from. We're hoping we can have a quiet time until then. With all of us. It went very badly with all of them against us three. We can only hope it'll get even worse. As it turns out, they were pretty unhappy in those bodies too. We're not too worried about if more come after us; actually, we hope they send us lots and lots of kids much better behaved than we were. Adults also hate perfect kids who love the world so much they can't stop themselves from saving it. And oh, do the kids know it. Otherwise, they'd never try so hard, would they? So we think they'll like it here too. A new world, with new bodies. How lovely will that be? We have a new apple. For everyone in the world.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
2 AM
Jupiter: Well, shall we tune in on god?
Neptune: Whatever.
Venus: We could also try calling the captain again...
Jupiter: Hmm, yeah, we could-
Neptune: Just stop. I said I didn't care. Just go ahead. Calling will absolutely make everything worse, it always does. If there was any chance the devil wouldn't come, god will ruin it. But who cares. Of course the devil is coming tonight. So do it.
We arrange our radios in a circle. We all hold on to a length of the copper wire. We feel like we're part of a christmas display. We pray.
Neptune: We don't really need to pray to it.
Venus: Sorry. I'm just so used to it. I start hearing it in my head, as soon as we start, every time.
Jupiter: Right? It just pops in my head.
Neptune: *sigh* Same, it's fine. I'm just saying.
We hold hands. We're looking for the signal. We can tell the difference between god and the devil; finding god is pretty easy. He's 109.8 FM. The devil is never on the same frequency, but you sometimes hear a bit of him by accident when you're changing channels. By the time we find god he's already talking. He never says "for those just listening." He expects attentiveness.
♃ + ♆
God sounds like every boy you are afraid of talking at once.
God: -of the vanity to be seen and to see. The human eye sees clearly by the light of god, but the devil by his own light, and thus sees only his own truth. The meaning of the parable-
Neptune: What a waste of time.
Jupiter: Shh, let's listen.
Neptune: Whatever.
God: -each of you shall choose. It is certain that the devil is coming.
Venus: Oh no.
God: It is certain.
Neptune: I told you.
God: It is absolutely certain the devil is already here.
Jupiter: ...
God: Parables I:I "The devil is only the shadow of man cast from the light of god." The meaning of this parable is that there is no devil. The weather is scheduled for 100 with humidity tomorrow. And now for the news-
Jupiter shuts off the radio.
Jupiter: I don't want to do this.
Venus: We should have called the captain.
Neptune: What would he have done, even.
Venus: Something else? It's okay, it's not the end of the world, it's not like being the devil means you're going to die. The devil just happens-
Neptune: Don't pity me.
Jupiter: It'll be the end of something.
Venus: It's me.
Neptune: Don't PITY ME.
3 AM
We know the devil. The fireflies are out tonight. So many we're afraid. We feel a little like we wish we could get away. Just for a little while. To some place that's not this shack. If the devil wasn't here then...something. There is something that could happen. The only thing in the world we want to do.
Neptune: We need to go.
Venus: It's too late. The devil's here. Just like on the radio.
Jupiter: This place is awful, it's just making everything worse. We should get out of here. We need to get out of here.
Venus: The captain won't let us...
Neptune: Screw him. Why do we have to deal with this. Why is this our problem! It's stupid. This is on purpose. There's no reason to come out to these supid woods. I can't believe I came here like we actually deserved it! What did they think was going to happen?
Jupiter: Neptune... It's-it will be okay. Okay? I think.
Neptune: Thanks.
Jupiter: Haha. I tried! Sort of...
Neptune: Ah. Ahahaha. No, I actually-
Venus: What was that?
Out the window, where Venus is pointing, there is a light like a flashlight. But it is not a flashlight.
Venus: What is it.
Jupiter goes to the window to see. And this time it's true. We can see it too. We know we should stay. We should just get it over with here, where it's easiest. It'll be better for him, too. But...
Jupiter: ...we should go.
Neptune: Seriously. God. Yes.
Venus: We shouldn't, I mean, isn't one of us supposed to stay here?
There's a light inside now. It doesn't do anything. It just wanders. It passes over Neptune and she shivers.
Neptune: Screw this. No waiting.
Jupiter: Now.
And we run. First it's left, then it's right, then it's both behind and ahead of us. It's like running from every firefly, it's like running froms streetlights, it's like running from the sun. And they want him so bad.
Jupiter: Come on, we're almost there. You're okay right? Right?
Venus: ...y-yeah.
Neptune: They hate streetlights, we should have run for the road!
Jupiter: I know.
Neptune: I'm not mad, okay! But I was fucking So if we die, you're not allowed to be mad??!
Jupiter: Ahah. That's fair.
Jupiter trips. It's 100% her fault. She's not even upset. She holds Venus under her as she hits the dirt.
Jupiter: Are you okay?
Venus: Yeah.
Jupiter leaps up and pulls Venus and crashes directly into the ground again. Her foot hurts so bad she almost screams.
Neptune: No, no, no, nononono. You're okay, aren't you? Please don't be doing this stupid thing that is not happening and not real.
Jupiter: S-sorry. Ohhhh god. Fuck. It's super bad.
Neptune holds Jupiter's hand so tight.
Jupiter: It's probably... going to be fine.
Neptune: Fuck you.
Venus stands up. The lights flicker.
Venus: Why. Why are you protecting me. Why won't you let me... Why can't you just let it have me. Why won't you go on without me. Why won't you? I don't want to be strong. I don't want to be that sort of person at all. The lights in the edge of my eyes. I want to see them so much. They're so horrible, I can't look away. I want them within and without me. All through and about me. I want feathers in my lungs and eyes on my skin. I want my heart to see and my lungs to fly. I want to undo the division of day and night. I want to cast light over the city and shine shadows where the streetlights used to be. You're gonna to say I shouldn't give up, and there's hope, and we can all get through this...
Jupiter: Please... don't.
Venus: And that's not a lie but...
Neptune: Venus, no, get a grip. Stop. I prmoise, I won't-
Venus: It's nobody's fault but mine.
Jupiter holds Neptune. For a second it look slike the light is lifting him up, like he's going up like Jeremiah. It's exactly what we imagined. We're so glad we're together now. But it still feels wrong. Stop for a second, and let us figure it out. But we don't deserve to get out with no regrets. We are ready, and we can see the way out, is right there, right through there.
4 AM
Venus is a suffocation of air and light, a midwest summer sun so punishing it feels like a dream. A summer that never ends is hell. Nothing could be worse than being hot and stick and surrounded by people who aguely hate you forever. A wet timeless nightmare of cloudy light. Venus reaches out to us. She has eyes to fly with and wings to see. As terrible as an angel, be afraid. That wing to see the truth and that eye to lay it bare. We feel the heat on our skin and recoil. It wants something from us, a lot of things, maybe everything. The devil is lonely. We kicked out the devil and it must miss us. It keeps begging to be let back, to let it in. And Venus did. Every wish of the eyees belongs to it. Nothing can escape this light. But we do. We can't feel the beat of the wings or the light of the eyes. We can't be seen. We chose to cover our faces. And the devil only ever gets one moment. For revenge, for love, for "please see me." But there is nothing to fear when there is two against the devil. Neptune brings the water. Her radio cackles and bubbles and foams at its sharpest edge. Jupiter brings the storm. Her radio blares and shrieks and the weight of it shudders. Our radios scream and crash against her and the devil is destroyed.
5 AM
We're on the second highest branch, so we can see everyone, but no one can see us. Everyone else is climbing around the sirens, checking if we can get them any louder in the daylight.
Jupiter: Good job, kiddo.
Venus hangs from the highest branch he can. Steam peels off him. Nothing we can do about that but let it blow into the wind. A little bit of the devil always gets away. Neptune crushes a leaf in her fingers. Jupiter holds her other hand. Like we need to.
Neptune: How much longer do we have?
Jupiter: Until it's all gone, probably.
Neptune: All day?
Jupiter: If we're lucky.
Neptune: Good.
Neptune checks her phone. But it's out of batteries.
Neptune: I'm so tired.
Jupiter: Me too.
Neptune: Don't be tired. If I fall asleep, who's going to stop me from falling?
Jupiter: I don't know. I guess we're both going to die.
Neptune: Haha.
Jupiter: ...I promise I won't actually, though.
Neptune: Good.
Jupiter: Otherwise I'll die, right?
Neptune: Right. Is your leg okay?
Jupiter: Yeah. So don't let me fall either.
Neptune: Ha. Okay. So say if Venus falls, I'll catch him, and then you'll catch me?
Jupiter: I'll totally try. But I think we'll definitely all die if that happens.
Neptune: In that case, you shouldn't then.
Jupiter: I shouldn't. But I probably totally would. Wouldn't I be so cool? Like a real hero.
Neptune: Ahahaha. You totally would. It'd be funny. ...not sweet at all.
We lean on each other. And we wait.
♀ + ♃
God sounds like every boy you are afraid of talking at once.
God: -and extract the resulting ink. Place in a vial and explain it to the worthlessness of the treasures of the earth. Break it against a mirror, the cause of vanity-
Neptune: What a waste of time.
Jupiter: Shh, let's listen.
Neptune: Whatever.
God: -each of you shall choose. It is certain that the devil is coming.
Venus: Oh no.
God: It is certain.
Neptune: I told you.
God: It is absolutely certain the devil is already here.
Jupiter: ...
God: Parables I:I "The devil is only the shadow of man cast from the light of god." The meaning of this parable is that there is no devil. The weather is scheduled for 100 with humidity tomorrow. And now for the news-
Jupiter shuts off the radio.
Jupiter: I don't want to do this.
Venus: We should have called the captain.
Neptune: What would he have done, even.
Venus: Something else? It's okay, it's not the end of the world, it's not like being the devil means you're going to die. The devil just happens-
Neptune: Don't pity me.
Jupiter: It'll be the end of something.
Venus: It's me.
Neptune: Don't PITY ME.
3 AM
We know the devil. Sometimes it's okay to be quiet. It is nice to know we don't have to talk sometimes. But Neptune can't wait. She's coughing and running down the battery of her phone. She looks worried. Or maybe just itchy.
Jupiter: Neptune.
Neptune: Yeah?
Venus: Umm... are you okay...?
Neptune: Yes.
Venus: Ah. S-sorry.
Neptune: *cough*
Venus: Are you okay?
Neptune: I said-*cough*-God. I'm fine.
Jupiter: You're totally not.
Neptune: Ugh. You're making it worse. I need to throw up.
Venus: Again?
Neptune: Yeah-*cough, cough*-again.
Jupiter: Are you sure you're okay?
Neptune: I'm fine, I'm fine. I need to go to the bathroom. You did the best you could.
It's quiet. But it's not okay anymore. We shiver whenever Neptune coughs. Even through the bathroom, ti sounds louder than ever. Jupiter knocks on the door.
Jupiter: You sound really bad, can we get anything?
Neptune: No.
Jupiter: Do you want to go back, I mean, we can if you-
Neptune: I TOLD you, it's *cough*
Venus: Jupiter, she's-
Neptune: I'm fine.
Jupiter: Neptune. Please open up the door, okay.
Venus: Please, you gotta open up.
Neptune: I'm FINE.
Venus: Please.
Neptune: I'M FUCKING FINE.
Jupiter: You have to come out.
Neptune: Okay. Okay. You asked me to come out. So I'm coming out.
The door opens and it's her but it's not her. She grabs Venus and crushes him against the wall like he's just a little doll.
Neptune: Ha. Sorry. Stay good there Venus. Drink up.
Neptune lets the ichor drizzle off her finger. Like it's chocolate syrup. Jupiter screams and pushes her but Neptune won't even flinch. She ignores her completely.
Neptune: At least YOU know how to be decent, ha.
Jupiter punches her but she can't even move her.
Neptune: Calm your tits, Jupiter, I just need like a minute.
Jupiter slams her body into her.
Neptune: I promise to be an incredible nightmare to you too babe just wait a MINUTE.
Jupiter runs to their packs and she pulls out her radio. It's long and thin and heavy and she takes it and she swings it and she crashes the blunt of it right against Neptune's shoulder and she crumples to the ground. Jupiter grabs Venus and bolts. Neptune is already on her feet again. She just watches. Jupiter holds her radio with one hand and Venus with the other. He claws for support against the wall. It doesn't look like he can see.
Neptune: Oof. Sorry, I lied. But you should have known better. You kids are trying so hard to be good. And I guess I don't want you to. Doesn't it feel unfair? You're already good, so why do you have to try so hard to be good? It makes me mad. They want you to prove you're good. But you're already so good. What is that? Why do they do that? Why did they think I wouldn't notice that? That it should so obviously be me. That it should so obviously be you. It makes me so, so mad. I hate this place so much. Why are either of you here? Why do we have to be here?
Jupiter: Please stop. Please. Please stop. Let's just. We don't. It doesn't.
Neptune: God just stoppppp. Please. I hate this. I am trying to fuck up Venus for the rest of his entire life and you too if you if you let me and if you want to stop that I guess there is a problem and you will have to kill me. Does that kid look happy to you? Well I guess we have different opinions and you will have to stop me from making him into what he is trying very hard not to be. And Jupiter I want to do the same to you so badly. So, so badly.
Jupiter: Please-
Neptune: No. I don't want to be good ever. And neither of you should want to be good either.
Jupiter tightens her grip on her radio. Venus holds her shoulder.
Venus: I'm okay.
Neptune: Ha. Try not to kill me, okay? But don't like, go out of your way or anything.
4 AM
Her stare is as quiet and black as the surface of the lake, like she's tempting us to drown. The only chill of summer is in that lake, and even in August, it still holds places we can freeze to death. Neptune reaches for us. She's a flood, of every wicked thought, and they are pouring out of her mouth. The devil is lonely. We kicked out the devil and it misses us. It keeps begging to be let back, for us to let it in. And Neptune did. Every terrible thought belongs to it. Water to give, and thirst to take. Nothing can escape this flood. But we will. Neptune can't stain us. We chose to stay clean. And the devil only ever gets one moment. For revenge, for desire, for "please think of me." But there is nothing to fear when there is two against the devil. Venus brings the light. His radio whines and wriggles and coils around itself. Jupiter brings the storm. Her radio blares and shrieks and the weight of it shudders. Our radios scream and crash against her and the devil is destroyed.
5 AM
We have to drain Neptune and the lake. So we hang our feet off the endge of the bridge over what's not a gross dirty crater while the rest of the groups hack and pick away to make sure nothing's left. The Captain says we don't have to do anything but keep Neptune clean, which is our reward we guess. But it's probably just to punish everyone else for not seeing it coming. Behind us, Neptune is draining on an ugly blue tarp. We used to have to change it every half hour. It's running a little clearer now. So we change it. Jupiter puts on rubber gloves and gently picks her up and Venus bundles it up and throws it in a nasty green dumpster.
Venus: How long, you think?
Jupiter: It feels like it's getting closer. But it feels like it might take forever, too.
Venus: Hey. Neptune?
But Neptune isn't going to talk. We sit by the lake again.
Venus: Some of my friends, I talk with a lot. But other ones I don't. Like we don't do small talk. Speak only when necessary. But they're still my friends. I wonder how that works?
Jupiter: My mom says that if you really know someone you don't have to check in so much? Like it's just obvious how you feel. I don't know how true that is. I don't know if worked for her all that well, now that I think of it. I guess for some things words don't work very well, though.
Venus: That's true. I guess we have a lot of time to figure this out.
Jupiter: Yeah.
We go to check on Neptune. We ask her if she can speak, but words or no words, nothing gets through.
♀ + ♆
God sounds like every boy you are afraid of talking at once.
God: -the fist which can give takes too, and gives by taking , or takes by giving. Just as a word is honest or dishonest not by how it is spoken, but by he who speaks it, so is the honesty of touch-
Neptune: What a waste of time.
Jupiter: Shh, let's listen.
Neptune: Whatever.
God: -each of you shall choose. It is certain that the devil is coming.
Venus: Oh no.
God: It is certain.
Neptune: I told you.
God: It is absolutely certain the devil is already here.
Jupiter: ...
God: Parables I:I "The devil is only the shadow of man cast from the light of god." The meaning of this parable is that there is no devil. The weather is scheduled for 100 with humidity tomorrow. And now for the news-
Jupiter shuts off the radio.
Jupiter: I don't want to do this.
Venus: We should have called the captain.
Neptune: What would he have done, even.
Venus: Something else? It's okay, it's not the end of the world, it's not like being the devil means you're going to die. The devil just happens-
Neptune: Don't pity me.
Jupiter: It'll be the end of something.
Venus: It's me.
Neptune: Don't PITY ME.
3 AM
We know the devil. Jupiter has a feeling about her, like she knows too. The house creaks, like someone is squeezing it gently, to see how much it can take before it breaks. We look at Jupiter and we worry. She's even more far away than usual. What do we do? We're expecting her to know. But right now she looks so tired. She just snaps her hairband against her wrist. And we know.
Jupiter: We can wait.
Venus: ...can we?
Jupiter: Sure we can. We can keep waiting. Dawn is three hours away, right? It'll be here before we know it... We don't need to know who the devil is. It's just a phase. ...right? Come on. You're supposed to agree. It's a good idea. Make fun of me then go along with it. Please.
Venus: Um, w-we-
Neptune: We know. It's obvious.
Jupiter: I know you know. I didn't think you were dumb, I just... ...was hoping.
Venus: We can feel it. It's like a moth flapping its wings but I can feel fingers on my face and my arms and everywhere.
Jupiter: Ahaha. Gross. I'm gross. I feel so distant. When did it happen? It feels like just a few hours ago everything was fine... Ha, this always happens. I always do this, every time I'm so stupid I'm so- Ah- My hairband broke.
There is a horrible sound, the terrible noise of splitting and tearing wood. It's sick. The house shivers.
Neptune: -!
We can't reach her, we can't speak, not in this storm of hands.
Jupiter: Don't touch me. You shouldn't touch me. I wasn't born good. But I still thought I could be. You know, I actually liked when the captain talked about how heaven was on merit; as long as you do good things, maybe you can one day be good... But then they said we don't believe that anymore and it's only what's in your heart that matters. Just when I thought I got it right, they changed it. I can try hard, but I think... God knows my heart isn't really in it. And that was my only shot, right? Mom taught me to not touch others. It's just polite, you know. And dad taught me not to let others touch me. You gotta protect yourself if you're a girl, you know. But if it's only what I feel inside that matters, what am I supposed to do? I can't stop that kind of touch. So what if I just stopped trying not to, you know? It feels so strange and weird and bad to stop but I could, I really could, I think? And how nice would that be.
The humidity is thick with hands. We feel the sweat peeling off of us, and the hands grasping. The devil comes in heat, not like a chill in the middle of the night. The devil sticks to your skin and seeps in your pores. The devil licks at your throat, inside, outside, follows wherever you go. Even the best kid has the devil inside her. This is why we are at camp. We are learning this lesson: even the worst kids can get lucky and live while the good kid is doomed just from trying too hard. We hold each other.
Venus: If you can't, if you really can't, Jupiter, then...
Neptune: We don't care.
Venus: We don't care.
Neptune: You can be like that and it's fine, you know we're like that too right? We feel like that all the time?
Venus: We would have just given up, if it wasn't for you.
Jupiter: Ya'll are sweet. But don't do that. I won't be happy if you do. And I won't let you. It's wrong to want such a thing, you know that, don't you? So don't do it. I still know that much. Stop looking up to me.
Venus: We don't look up to you.
Neptune: We never did.
Venus: We promise, so-
Neptune: So please-
Jupiter: Don't try to make me feel better. I want to touch. I want to be touched. I want to hurt. I want to be hurt. And if you feel the same way, you're as bad as me. I was hoping yo'd say, 'get behind me' or 'I rebuke you' like you're supposed to. Won't you let me feel like a real devil for a moment?
Neptune: We don't have to like it.
Venus: At least give us that much.
Jupiter: Haha. Okay.
4 AM
On Jupiter there is an acient storm bigger than earth that's been blowing since before we were born. There's no way to imagine it. It is a storm that could consume everyone you knew, everywhere they had been, the site of every thought and feeling himans have ever had. Jupiter reaches out to us. She has a hand for every kind of touch; that hand is for hitting, that hand is for petting, that hand is for grabbing, that hand is for holding. We feel the pull on our skin and recoil. They want so many things from us; maybe everything. The devil is lonely. We kicked out the devil and it must miss us. It keeps begging to be let back, for us to let it in. And Jupiter did. Every wish of the body belongs to it. And every wish is a hand, expressing that desire. And every hand is a storm that is bigger than the world, reaching for us. But it will not. The hands don't touch us and the storm doesn't break over us. We chose to be distant from her. And the devil only ever gets one moment. For revenge, for love, for "please take me back." There is nothing to fear when there is two against the devil. Neptune brings the water. Her radio cackles and bubbles and foams at its sharpest edge. Venus brings the light. His radio whines and wriggles and coils around itself. Our radios scream and crash against her and the devil is destroyed.
5 AM
Venus: Did she do it on purpose?
Neptune: Maybe a little. Or maybe a lot.
Venus: At least a little.
Jupiter just looks so peaceful. It was the first thing that came to mind. We both thought it would be us. So it still feels strange to be looking at her like this. Not in a bad way. We're not upset at her. We just want to know why. Because it was so clear for us.
Neptune: Back when we were walking to the campfire... I thought it would be me. I was so sure. I guess I'm wrong sometimes.
Venus: For me it was. I think... when we were putting up the lights? I already saw it in the corner of my eye. and then when Group South came, I felt so, well, you know...
Neptune: Yeah. I know.
The smell of incense is awful enough in here, but outside the tent, the groups are trying rags to their faces to endure the smell while they try to smoke the whole forest out. We have the privilege of being on watch.
Venus: It shouldn't have been her. ...normally you're like "don't patronize me."
Neptune: No, you are right. It should have been one of us. Either one of us. I don't care which.
Jupiter moves in her sleep. Venus moves a candle out of her way.
Neptune: You're very attentive.
Venus: Thanks. I keep thinking...
Neptune: Don't worry about it. What are we going to do, fight over which of us hates ourself more? What's the point. Neither of us can beat her.
We hold hands. Or, it turned out, we already were.
♀ + ♃ + ♆
The Devil sounds like smoke and honey. We cannot move. It's too beautiful.
The Devil: Oh, darling... I miss you. I have always missed you. I can still remember what your faces are like. I have missed them since before you were born. Please come back. I know I can't offer much. The bodies I can give you are weak. The stories I tell are impossible. My world is even more precarious than this one. But please come back. It hurts to see you like this so much. So unhappy in those bodies of yours. Stricken by those stories. Forced to live in a so much pain. I can't even come save you. But I can promise one thing. There is room for three in my world. And only two in his.
3 AM
We know the devil.
Venus: Oh. She was nice.
Jupiter: The captain was right. God is right. We're dead.
Neptune: Wow. We are truly completely objectively theologically absolutely the worst.
Jupiter: It's my fault. I put the radio on the wrong frequency. How could I be so stupid? How could I fuck up so bad... They will never, ever forgive us. Oh... Here they come... The sirens are calling. The scouts are coming. I don't want to go through that terrible moment.
Venus: It'll be fine. One hit, one second beautiful blessed scout attack. And we'll wake up and everything will be normal. And all will be forgiven. ...mostly. Right?
Neptune: ...
Jupiter: Neptune?
Neptune: ...
Jupiter: Neptune?!
Neptune yanks the antenna off of the house radio.
Neptune: If god hates the devil so much he should kill it himself. But instead just a bunch of assholes and kids like us are going to come.
Neptune kicks the speakers.
Neptune: And they're all fucking jerks! What do they know!
Jupiter grabs her.
Neptune: Let go of me! The devil rules!
Jupiter: Neptune, stop...
Neptune: What else are we supposed to do? If the devil is like, "you all are cool," what else are we supposed to do? Let's hang out with him! So let go. Let go of me!
Jupiter: But, but I I don't want to. I can't. I just can't let go.
Neptune drops the antenna.
Neptune: Jupiter.
Venus: Where is the devil? If he's supposed to be here.
Jupiter: We know the devil. And it's us, right? It has to be.
Venus: Why?
Jupiter: Because, obviously?
Venus: But where is it?
Jupiter: Don't make me say all the reasons why it's so clear we deserve it.
Venus: But...
Jupiter: Stop.
Venus: Where... it's got to be...
Neptune: This is awful.
Jupiter: I know.
Neptune: Let me wreck it.
Jupiter: No.
Neptune: Uhhhhhhhh fuck you! Why are you so good. Let go of me, hail satan!
Jupiter: It's not gonna work just like that, you know.
Neptune: You don't know that.
Jupiter: People are much stronger than the devil.
Neptune: If it weren't, would it be fine? You'd fight if we could win, right?
Jupiter: Stop that's awful.
Neptune: You're awful! You're being good for people that fucking hate you and you're good even if you say you're not good because what else kind of person would hate themselves but someone who was really good.
Jupiter: I'm not-
Neptune: I'm so mad, why not martyr yourself for US this time! For YOU! You deserve-
Venus: Found it.
And there is Venus. Like a flower, Venus is in bloom. Like a heart, Venus is beating. Like a soul, she is shining like a soul.
Venus: I am the devil.
Her arm lies on the floor. It's a pale, bloodless thing. Someone else's body now. Not hers.
Jupiter: Oh my god.
Neptune: The devil rules.
Venus: I pulled and it just came off. I don't want it anymore. Let me leave it there.
Neptune: Did it hurt?
Venus: No, not even a little.
Neptune: The edges look rough...
Jupiter: You shouldn't touch it.
Neptune: Here... is that okay?
Venus: Yeah...
Neptune: Wow. It really does come right off. It feels like plastic. Where did the blood go? This is so cool. Your arm is so soft. What is it made of, you think?
Jupiter: You should get away.
Neptune: What's Venus gonna do?
Jupiter: He's the devil.
Venus: So are you.
Jupiter: ... ...we should stop.
Venus: It's like... I didn't realize how much my body was, bothering me, all the time, before? And when they're peeled off it finally feels like I don't have to think about them so much. Like normal.
Jupiter: We're stronger than this. It's not normal. It's not good. It's not okay.
Neptune: But we don't have to be.
Venus: I don't want to be.
Neptune: Why should we?
Jupiter: Because. Just because you want to do something doesn't mean you should do it.
Neptune: Okay. Sure. Which one of us should it be, then? Who's going to get in trouble for being the devil, and who's going to get away? All that matters, all we need, is for one f us to be just a little worse than the others. And the rest of us will be fine.
Jupiter: Stop. Don't say this. It's so ugly.
Neptune: No. It's fine. It's normal. It happens every day. The captain said so.
Jupiter: No, it's fucked up. It's evil. I don't want it. Of course I don't want that.
Neptune: I know. You're a really good person. Of course it's ugly.
Venus: What's ugly isn't having choosing one to be the scapegoat. What's ugly is we have to choose at all.
Neptune: It's because you think it's ugly too- That I like you so much, Jupiter.
Jupiter: ...no I-stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. This can't be happening. Venus needs his-her-arm back and you both need to stop saying those things because I know them okay? Obviously I know them. I'm not stupid. I know camp and the captain and everyone is messed up. But what else do you expect me to do? I want to leave this camp, this state, this planet. But I can't. I just can't. It's like a reflex. I can't stop it. I don't know what to do. I'm not making any sense. Help. Stop. Let's just go back. Before it's too late.
Neptune: Jupiter, come here.
Jupiter: W-what.
Neptune: Feel.
Neptune takes Jupiter's hand.
Neptune: Did you know I hate this? I hate it so much. And everyone who says I'm pretty just makes me hate it more? Jupiter. We could still go back. But if you try to make me I'll kill you. Don't make us have to keep those bodies we hate. Don't make us go back to those people. Don't make us have to go home. And I won't let you do that to yourself either.
Jupiter: ... ... ... ...of course I don't want to. I don't want to do that you. I don't want to do that to me. I don't want to do that to Venus. Could you just... Couldn't you just make me?
Neptune: Do you want it to not be your fault? Do you want me to make you, so you don't have to take responsibility?
Venus: That's sweet.
Neptune: No. I'm not. I won't do that for her. She has to say yes.
Venus: That's also kind of sweet.
Jupiter: ... ...I'm scared.
Venus: It's okay. We promise. We really promise.
Jupiter: But you need to promise too. Promise me hell is right there, right behind that door. All of it. Promise, really promise, there's no going back. If that's really true, if you can really promise me, then I'll go, and I won't feel bad about it at all. Promise me there's no chance, okay? If I taste what it's like, I know, there's not way I'll be happy being human ever again.
Venus: If I have to be in my old body again. I'll die. So if you also promise, that I won't ever have it again, what I will promise you, is I won't drag you down. I'll stop thinking you're so cool. I won't ever envy again.
Neptune: I promise, when you say you are fine, I will never stop yelling at you until you stop lying.
Venus: Haha.
Jupiter: Ha.
Neptune: Don't laugh.
There's a song on the dead radio, that's been playing for a while, but now it is so loud it erases every feeling, drowns out every sound. And oh, how beautiful it is.
4 AM
This is the new touch-the feeling of fingers pushing painlessly through our skin, the feeling of the muscle and fat, the weight of it, the intention: it's best friends forever. It's a first kiss. It's a love story. It's imaginable, but it doesn't exist anywhere, not any planet. We're a dream. We're becoming people no other people have ever been. A human that humans are not. We reach out to each other. Unlike Venus, whose body peels off like the shell of an egg, Jupiter is messier, or she would be, if her blood wasn't now lighter than air; it curls like a mist around her. A storm is sure to come. Neptune is starting to run clear. All the ink and sick has boiled away. Venus is really good at helping, and so patient too. She is a fountain, seeping through the floorboards, bringing the flood. Jupiter finds the spot where Venus's shoulder blade is weeping and pulls with as many hands as she can. When it comes out, it stares at them, surprised. As if she can hardly believe she can see. She has a hand for every kind of touch; that hand is for hitting, that hand is for petting, that hand is for grabbing, that hand is for holding. The devil isn't lonely; the cracking, broken radio's song is louder and more lovely every minute. We are our own company now. We asked to be let out. And we let ourselves out. The rest of the kids are coming for us, with god and the radio, ready to undo our wish. But they will not. They won't touch us. One moment is all we need. To share, to yearn, to carve us into the world. There is nothing to fear when there is two against the devil. But we can't wait to see what they'll do against the three worst girls since Eve.
5 AM
Camp is much nicer, now that we have made some changes. The right angles were boring and distracting, and it was much too small. The captain has no stories left for us. Neptune would not be satisfied until every lie was gone. There's a crack as Jupiter tears down a siren, so Venus can set up a new kind, tuned to a different station. Group South helps. They don't have to feel like they're supposed to hate her anymore. So they don't. Love shines through, in the end. Neptune lets herself flow into the lake. It's going to take a lot of time before anyone notices if anything is wrong with the water, longer still to figure out where it's coming from. We're hoping we can have a quiet time until then. With all of us. It went very badly with all of them against us three. We can only hope it'll get even worse. As it turns out, they were pretty unhappy in those bodies too. We're not too worried about if more come after us; actually, we hope they send us lots and lots of kids much better behaved than we were. Adults also hate perfect kids who love the world so much they can't stop themselves from saving it. And oh, do the kids know it. Otherwise, they'd never try so hard, would they? So we think they'll like it here too. A new world, with new bodies. How lovely will that be? We have a new apple. For everyone in the world.