God: -a hand held against the world. To be touched and to touch; touch is a language unto itself. And it too is a language of power. Thus unti Jupiter, which is also the language of gravity, according-
God sounds like every boy you are afraid of talking at once.
God: -the fist which can give takes too, and gives by taking , or takes by giving. Just as a word is honest or dishonest not by how it is spoken, but by he who speaks it, so is the honesty of touch-
Neptune: What a waste of time.
Jupiter: Shh, let's listen.
Neptune: Whatever.
God: -each of you shall choose. It is certain that the devil is coming.
Venus: Oh no.
God: It is certain.
Neptune: I told you.
God: It is absolutely certain the devil is already here.
Jupiter: ...
God: Parables I:I "The devil is only the shadow of man cast from the light of god." The meaning of this parable is that there is no devil. The weather is scheduled for 100 with humidity tomorrow. And now for the news-
Jupiter shuts off the radio.
Jupiter: I don't want to do this.
Venus: We should have called the captain.
Neptune: What would he have done, even.
Venus: Something else? It's okay, it's not the end of the world, it's not like being the devil means you're going to die. The devil just happens-
Neptune: Don't pity me.
Jupiter: It'll be the end of something.
Venus: It's me.
Neptune: Don't PITY ME.
3 AM
We know the devil. Jupiter has a feeling about her, like she knows too. The house creaks, like someone is squeezing it gently, to see how much it can take before it breaks. We look at Jupiter and we worry. She's even more far away than usual. What do we do? We're expecting her to know. But right now she looks so tired. She just snaps her hairband against her wrist. And we know.
Jupiter: We can wait.
Venus: ...can we?
Jupiter: Sure we can. We can keep waiting. Dawn is three hours away, right? It'll be here before we know it... We don't need to know who the devil is. It's just a phase. ...right? Come on. You're supposed to agree. It's a good idea. Make fun of me then go along with it. Please.
Venus: Um, w-we-
Neptune: We know. It's obvious.
Jupiter: I know you know. I didn't think you were dumb, I just... ...was hoping.
Venus: We can feel it. It's like a moth flapping its wings but I can feel fingers on my face and my arms and everywhere.
Jupiter: Ahaha. Gross. I'm gross. I feel so distant. When did it happen? It feels like just a few hours ago everything was fine... Ha, this always happens. I always do this, every time I'm so stupid I'm so- Ah- My hairband broke.
There is a horrible sound, the terrible noise of splitting and tearing wood. It's sick. The house shivers.
Neptune: -!
We can't reach her, we can't speak, not in this storm of hands.
Jupiter: Don't touch me. You shouldn't touch me. I wasn't born good. But I still thought I could be. You know, I actually liked when the captain talked about how heaven was on merit; as long as you do good things, maybe you can one day be good... But then they said we don't believe that anymore and it's only what's in your heart that matters. Just when I thought I got it right, they changed it. I can try hard, but I think... God knows my heart isn't really in it. And that was my only shot, right? Mom taught me to not touch others. It's just polite, you know. And dad taught me not to let others touch me. You gotta protect yourself if you're a girl, you know. But if it's only what I feel inside that matters, what am I supposed to do? I can't stop that kind of touch. So what if I just stopped trying not to, you know? It feels so strange and weird and bad to stop but I could, I really could, I think? And how nice would that be.
The humidity is thick with hands. We feel the sweat peeling off of us, and the hands grasping. The devil comes in heat, not like a chill in the middle of the night. The devil sticks to your skin and seeps in your pores. The devil licks at your throat, inside, outside, follows wherever you go. Even the best kid has the devil inside her. This is why we are at camp. We are learning this lesson: even the worst kids can get lucky and live while the good kid is doomed just from trying too hard. We hold each other.
Venus: If you can't, if you really can't, Jupiter, then...
Neptune: We don't care.
Venus: We don't care.
Neptune: You can be like that and it's fine, you know we're like that too right? We feel like that all the time?
Venus: We would have just given up, if it wasn't for you.
Jupiter: Ya'll are sweet. But don't do that. I won't be happy if you do. And I won't let you. It's wrong to want such a thing, you know that, don't you? So don't do it. I still know that much. Stop looking up to me.
Venus: We don't look up to you.
Neptune: We never did.
Venus: We promise, so-
Neptune: So please-
Jupiter: Don't try to make me feel better. I want to touch. I want to be touched. I want to hurt. I want to be hurt. And if you feel the same way, you're as bad as me. I was hoping yo'd say, 'get behind me' or 'I rebuke you' like you're supposed to. Won't you let me feel like a real devil for a moment?
Neptune: We don't have to like it.
Venus: At least give us that much.
Jupiter: Haha. Okay.
4 AM
On Jupiter there is an acient storm bigger than earth that's been blowing since before we were born. There's no way to imagine it. It is a storm that could consume everyone you knew, everywhere they had been, the site of every thought and feeling himans have ever had. Jupiter reaches out to us. She has a hand for every kind of touch; that hand is for hitting, that hand is for petting, that hand is for grabbing, that hand is for holding. We feel the pull on our skin and recoil. They want so many things from us; maybe everything. The devil is lonely. We kicked out the devil and it must miss us. It keeps begging to be let back, for us to let it in. And Jupiter did. Every wish of the body belongs to it. And every wish is a hand, expressing that desire. And every hand is a storm that is bigger than the world, reaching for us. But it will not. The hands don't touch us and the storm doesn't break over us. We chose to be distant from her. And the devil only ever gets one moment. For revenge, for love, for "please take me back." There is nothing to fear when there is two against the devil. Neptune brings the water. Her radio cackles and bubbles and foams at its sharpest edge. Venus brings the light. His radio whines and wriggles and coils around itself. Our radios scream and crash against her and the devil is destroyed.
5 AM
Venus: Did she do it on purpose?
Neptune: Maybe a little. Or maybe a lot.
Venus: At least a little.
Jupiter just looks so peaceful. It was the first thing that came to mind. We both thought it would be us. So it still feels strange to be looking at her like this. Not in a bad way. We're not upset at her. We just want to know why. Because it was so clear for us.
Neptune: Back when we were walking to the campfire... I thought it would be me. I was so sure. I guess I'm wrong sometimes.
Venus: For me it was. I think... when we were putting up the lights? I already saw it in the corner of my eye. and then when Group South came, I felt so, well, you know...
Neptune: Yeah. I know.
The smell of incense is awful enough in here, but outside the tent, the groups are trying rags to their faces to endure the smell while they try to smoke the whole forest out. We have the privilege of being on watch.
Venus: It shouldn't have been her. ...normally you're like "don't patronize me."
Neptune: No, you are right. It should have been one of us. Either one of us. I don't care which.
Jupiter moves in her sleep. Venus moves a candle out of her way.
Neptune: You're very attentive.
Venus: Thanks. I keep thinking...
Neptune: Don't worry about it. What are we going to do, fight over which of us hates ourself more? What's the point. Neither of us can beat her.
We hold hands. Or, it turned out, we already were.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
♀ + ♆
God sounds like every boy you are afraid of talking at once.
God: -the fist which can give takes too, and gives by taking , or takes by giving. Just as a word is honest or dishonest not by how it is spoken, but by he who speaks it, so is the honesty of touch-
Neptune: What a waste of time.
Jupiter: Shh, let's listen.
Neptune: Whatever.
God: -each of you shall choose. It is certain that the devil is coming.
Venus: Oh no.
God: It is certain.
Neptune: I told you.
God: It is absolutely certain the devil is already here.
Jupiter: ...
God: Parables I:I "The devil is only the shadow of man cast from the light of god." The meaning of this parable is that there is no devil. The weather is scheduled for 100 with humidity tomorrow. And now for the news-
Jupiter shuts off the radio.
Jupiter: I don't want to do this.
Venus: We should have called the captain.
Neptune: What would he have done, even.
Venus: Something else? It's okay, it's not the end of the world, it's not like being the devil means you're going to die. The devil just happens-
Neptune: Don't pity me.
Jupiter: It'll be the end of something.
Venus: It's me.
Neptune: Don't PITY ME.
3 AM
We know the devil. Jupiter has a feeling about her, like she knows too. The house creaks, like someone is squeezing it gently, to see how much it can take before it breaks. We look at Jupiter and we worry. She's even more far away than usual. What do we do? We're expecting her to know. But right now she looks so tired. She just snaps her hairband against her wrist. And we know.
Jupiter: We can wait.
Venus: ...can we?
Jupiter: Sure we can. We can keep waiting. Dawn is three hours away, right? It'll be here before we know it... We don't need to know who the devil is. It's just a phase. ...right? Come on. You're supposed to agree. It's a good idea. Make fun of me then go along with it. Please.
Venus: Um, w-we-
Neptune: We know. It's obvious.
Jupiter: I know you know. I didn't think you were dumb, I just... ...was hoping.
Venus: We can feel it. It's like a moth flapping its wings but I can feel fingers on my face and my arms and everywhere.
Jupiter: Ahaha. Gross. I'm gross. I feel so distant. When did it happen? It feels like just a few hours ago everything was fine... Ha, this always happens. I always do this, every time I'm so stupid I'm so- Ah- My hairband broke.
There is a horrible sound, the terrible noise of splitting and tearing wood. It's sick. The house shivers.
Neptune: -!
We can't reach her, we can't speak, not in this storm of hands.
Jupiter: Don't touch me. You shouldn't touch me. I wasn't born good. But I still thought I could be. You know, I actually liked when the captain talked about how heaven was on merit; as long as you do good things, maybe you can one day be good... But then they said we don't believe that anymore and it's only what's in your heart that matters. Just when I thought I got it right, they changed it. I can try hard, but I think... God knows my heart isn't really in it. And that was my only shot, right? Mom taught me to not touch others. It's just polite, you know. And dad taught me not to let others touch me. You gotta protect yourself if you're a girl, you know. But if it's only what I feel inside that matters, what am I supposed to do? I can't stop that kind of touch. So what if I just stopped trying not to, you know? It feels so strange and weird and bad to stop but I could, I really could, I think? And how nice would that be.
The humidity is thick with hands. We feel the sweat peeling off of us, and the hands grasping. The devil comes in heat, not like a chill in the middle of the night. The devil sticks to your skin and seeps in your pores. The devil licks at your throat, inside, outside, follows wherever you go. Even the best kid has the devil inside her. This is why we are at camp. We are learning this lesson: even the worst kids can get lucky and live while the good kid is doomed just from trying too hard. We hold each other.
Venus: If you can't, if you really can't, Jupiter, then...
Neptune: We don't care.
Venus: We don't care.
Neptune: You can be like that and it's fine, you know we're like that too right? We feel like that all the time?
Venus: We would have just given up, if it wasn't for you.
Jupiter: Ya'll are sweet. But don't do that. I won't be happy if you do. And I won't let you. It's wrong to want such a thing, you know that, don't you? So don't do it. I still know that much. Stop looking up to me.
Venus: We don't look up to you.
Neptune: We never did.
Venus: We promise, so-
Neptune: So please-
Jupiter: Don't try to make me feel better. I want to touch. I want to be touched. I want to hurt. I want to be hurt. And if you feel the same way, you're as bad as me. I was hoping yo'd say, 'get behind me' or 'I rebuke you' like you're supposed to. Won't you let me feel like a real devil for a moment?
Neptune: We don't have to like it.
Venus: At least give us that much.
Jupiter: Haha. Okay.
4 AM
On Jupiter there is an acient storm bigger than earth that's been blowing since before we were born. There's no way to imagine it. It is a storm that could consume everyone you knew, everywhere they had been, the site of every thought and feeling himans have ever had. Jupiter reaches out to us. She has a hand for every kind of touch; that hand is for hitting, that hand is for petting, that hand is for grabbing, that hand is for holding. We feel the pull on our skin and recoil. They want so many things from us; maybe everything. The devil is lonely. We kicked out the devil and it must miss us. It keeps begging to be let back, for us to let it in. And Jupiter did. Every wish of the body belongs to it. And every wish is a hand, expressing that desire. And every hand is a storm that is bigger than the world, reaching for us. But it will not. The hands don't touch us and the storm doesn't break over us. We chose to be distant from her. And the devil only ever gets one moment. For revenge, for love, for "please take me back." There is nothing to fear when there is two against the devil. Neptune brings the water. Her radio cackles and bubbles and foams at its sharpest edge. Venus brings the light. His radio whines and wriggles and coils around itself. Our radios scream and crash against her and the devil is destroyed.
5 AM
Venus: Did she do it on purpose?
Neptune: Maybe a little. Or maybe a lot.
Venus: At least a little.
Jupiter just looks so peaceful. It was the first thing that came to mind. We both thought it would be us. So it still feels strange to be looking at her like this. Not in a bad way. We're not upset at her. We just want to know why. Because it was so clear for us.
Neptune: Back when we were walking to the campfire... I thought it would be me. I was so sure. I guess I'm wrong sometimes.
Venus: For me it was. I think... when we were putting up the lights? I already saw it in the corner of my eye. and then when Group South came, I felt so, well, you know...
Neptune: Yeah. I know.
The smell of incense is awful enough in here, but outside the tent, the groups are trying rags to their faces to endure the smell while they try to smoke the whole forest out. We have the privilege of being on watch.
Venus: It shouldn't have been her. ...normally you're like "don't patronize me."
Neptune: No, you are right. It should have been one of us. Either one of us. I don't care which.
Jupiter moves in her sleep. Venus moves a candle out of her way.
Neptune: You're very attentive.
Venus: Thanks. I keep thinking...
Neptune: Don't worry about it. What are we going to do, fight over which of us hates ourself more? What's the point. Neither of us can beat her.
We hold hands. Or, it turned out, we already were.